To give all of us a break from deciding the future structure of corporate America, I thought I would delve into a bit lighter, yet very serious subject.


My Dad always told me to live my life looking at the words that would be on my tombstone.


When this old life is over, what epitaph would you want written on your tombstone?

HELP! LET ME OUT OF HERE!

I'm afraid it will be something like:

After giving him an enema, we were able to bury him in a matchbox.

or

He strove to be a wit but only made it halfway.

Jolly,

I see a cross-current surfacing on this thread that I would be interested in.

Specifically, what would you like your tombstone NOT to say. Such as:

-- He had the right of way.

Or, if they REALLY put the truth on it:

-- He was old, fat, cheap, grumpy, flatulent, bald, prone to exaggeration, a below average bowler, frequently pouted when he lost an argument and never learned to pick up his own laundry.

Maybe a braggart's tombstone:

-- He had the best interpretations of Bach's WTC in the southeastern 1/3 of San Mateo county.

Or, perhaps, the sickeningly Hallmark:

-- The love of ages flows for all that hold his memory dear. Blessings to all beloved friends and family be they far or near.
[T2 supresses a gag]

Heh...All in good fun.

T2

[ March 08, 2002: Message edited by: T2 ]

Or here lies a man so crooked we didn't bury him. We just screwed him into the ground.

I'm seriously thinking of cremation so I guess I won't have a tombstone.

Good thing you don't live in Georgia!

Really!

Gee - can we make suggestions for OTHER people's tombstones? (Dibs on Larry's) Jodi

OK, go for it Jodi... I can't tell you what I'd put on it til you tell me what you'd put.

Just pleeeaasseeee don't say anything about big corporations........

How about:

Here lies a big fat cat CEO who squeezed the life blood out of poor peons to build his piano empire!

Oh, sorry that was Derick's.

Don't think I can top that one, JBryan! Jodi

OK, Larry - what would YOU write? Or, I guess the original question was - what would you NOT want written. This is WAY too confusing.

[ March 08, 2002: Message edited by: jodi ]

I've already instructed my family that the only epitaph I would consider is:

"Undeliverable as addressed. Forwarding order expired."

I'm hoping it will keep future generations perplexed, just as I've managed to confuse everyone while I am living.

:p

"WE FINALLY GOT THE BAST***"

I guess the thing I would most not want to be written would be

"Here lies Larry
He was a piano salesman"

What *I* would pick would be

"I knew if I hung around long enough something like this was going to happen"....

Or:
"On the 28th of June,
The poor old guy went out of tune,
He lost his grip on his tuning pin,
So we dug a hole and threw him in....."


But I would prefer that someone else wrote it, and that it would be along the lines of

"Whatever else you might say of him,
he was an honest man"

I was having a sort of reunion with some old roommates, and they started to discuss what they'd put on my tombstone. Because I used to bake bread when we lived together, one said "He baked bread." I responded, "Yes. He baked bread. He will rise again."

I guess you had to be there...

"Old musicians never die...
... they just decompose"

Better to change your name.

HEY GUYS
THEY DO HAVE PIANOS UP HERE
BUT WE WEREN'T ALLOWED TO BRING OUR MUSIC

ALL OF US ARE PLAYING HEART AND SOUL.
ONE GUY KNOWS CHOPSTICKS.

This made my day!

Nina

Wow, and I learned how to use the quote thingy!

Tombstone for a hypochondriac:

"I TOLD you I was sick!"

Due to my flawed public education, I became aquainted with the writing of Robert Burns only relatively recently. He wrote a series of epitaphs that I just love. Here are a few of my favorite shorter ones.

EPTIAPH ON A NOISY POLEMIC

Below thir stanes lie Jamie's banes;
O Death, it's my opinion,
Thou ne'er took such a blitherin' b*tch
Into thy dark dominion!

EPITAPH ON A HENPECKED COUNTRY SQUIRE

As father Adam first was fooled,
(a case that's still too common,)
Here lies a man a woman ruled,
The devil ruled the woman

(AN EPIGRAM ON THE ABOVE OCCASION)

O Death had'st thou but spared his life,
Whom we this day lament,
We freely wad exchanged the wife,
And a' been weel content.

(sorry for that one, ladies! )

EPITAPH FOR JOHN DOVE, INNKEEPER

Here lies Johnie Pigeon;
What was his religion?
Whae'er desires to ken,
To some other warl'
Maun follow the carl,
For here Johnnie Pigeon had nane!

Strong ale was ablution,
Small beer persecution,
A dram was memento mori;
But a full-flowing bowl
Was the saving his soul,
And port was celestial glory.


...and finally

EPITAPH FOR JAMES SMITH

Lament him Mauchline husbands a',
He aften did assist ye;
For had ye staid hale weeks awa,
Your wives they ne'er had miss'd ye.

Ye Mauchline bairns, as on ye press
To school in bands thegither,
O tread ye lightly on his grass, -
Perhaps he was your father!

I can't help it, here are a few more...

EPITAPH ON A NOTED COXCOMB

Light lay the earth on Billy's breast,
His chicken heart so tender;
But build a castle on his head,
His scull will prop it under.


ON WM. GRAHAM, ESQ., OF MOSSKNOWE

"Stop thief!" dame Nature call'd to Death,
As Willy drew his latest breath;
"How shall I make a fool again?
My choicest model thou hast ta'en!"


ON JOHN BUSHBY, ESQ., TINWALD DOWNS

Here lies John Bushby - honest man,
Cheat him, Devil - if you can!


EPITAPH ON JAMES GRIEVE, LAIRD OF BOGHEAD

Here lies Boghead amang the dead
In hopes to get salvation;
But if such as he in Heav'n may be,
Then welcome, Hail! damnation.


I guess Robert called 'em as he saw 'em.

Dwain,

Some of these are absolutely priceless.

Dwain,

I had no idea you were so well rounded.

In Junior High we wrote epitaphs for others in our classroom and a buddy of mine wrote:

Here lies the body of Rich Galassini,
We buried him in his favorite bikini.

I never liked the little basta**!

Well, if Dwain is anything like me, he probably gets rounder with each passing year. :p

I understand Irma Bombeck was considering:

"Big deal. I'm used to dust."